things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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