You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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