obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
