I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
