You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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