I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had sex on a roof
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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