Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
