Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
