The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
