So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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