Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
