I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
