i think i have herpe
just one?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
