even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
