Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
