That's intense
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
