Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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