Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
