YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
