I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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