His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
