In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
