This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
