I got chris browned last night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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