3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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