Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
