I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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