you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
