I'm going to jail i love you
im six kinds of drunk right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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