Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
