She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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