Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
