sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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