i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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