Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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