so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
