So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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