My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
