Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
