So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
