Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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