omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
