no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
