he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
