apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
