Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
