My balls are so social today.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
