Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
