I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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