can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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