you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
