Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
