We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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