Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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